A girl searching for beauty
I am a girl who is searching for beauty
But I can't find it
No matter where I look
Or where I go
I've gone away
To be alone
Where I bathed under fir silhouettes
And saw pines dance in the wind
I've climbed mountains until I tread their snow
I've drank from rivers who sapped my tears
And wound to oceans in whose sight I drowned
The birds, the game, the sky resound
In me a wound that grows as
I cry
Watching fire
Embrace the forests
From a spark that loved too strongly
I've tried people
Falling in love
At first sight
Staying in love
Even after it lost its light
I loved myself finally
And I finally made a family
A daughter and a son
My husband loved us so
But I left
Because where is a girl to find beauty
Where happiness is so rife
So I went to the doorstep of suffering
And watched animals die
Mothers stripped of their young
Women raped left and right
The poor starving even after working all day and night
I said hello to the addicts
Shooting up like
Suicide like
The forgotten ones who felt forgotten
Unneeded and worthless
Leaving a poem in their wake
I've read their art
And travelled to worlds
Manufactured by words
Got lost as if I were
A princess donned in dragon hide
I got excited when
I felt something stirring in my thigh
But it was just my period
As if mourning the unbecoming closed-book reality
Of the uncoming of future life
I've looked to the stars
Begged the cosmos to see me
Meeting starlight after its weary journey
On my palms and bloody knees
It shone gently
But light-years late
I heard their compassion
Quickly turn to pity
I ran and beckoned the night
Apologized for ignoring any beauty she hid
In the blackness, out of sight
But she was so silent
I heard only my own cries
She offered me a cold embrace
Sorry that she is where outer space goes to die
I've looked inside
Saw my thoughts and memories
Roar and subside
I sought my flame
And I looked for my high
But my consciousness keeled
In the black seas of my mind
There was no candle to die
I went back home
It was a long journey
Past the darkness and moonlight
Under art and suffering's way
Around my family, blood, and lovers
And through nature's sway
I sat there alone
On an unfurnished tile floor
And stared at the world
Ugly and unlovely
It had nothing for me
No sublime, no poetry
No beauty
No beauty
No beauty
-
I am a girl who is still searching for beauty
Search for me
If you find her
